And I wasn't in the food court...

So...three weeks today since the big surgery and life is going pretty well (for me at least, I mean there's some crazy shit going on in the world otherwise). I am now down 28 lbs and today I had my first NSV (non scale victory) when I put on a blazer that used to require the jaws of life to get out of and now it's actually too big...move aside bitches!!!

I wanted to share a funny (in a sort of morbid way) story from this past weekend. So for those of you who don't know there was a senseless shooting on Saturday in Toronto at the Eaton Centre mall. A guy opened fire in the food court and killed his target (allegedly gang related) and injured 6 others in the process. The point of my story is not to depress you although this is a terrible story that shocked not only the city of Toronto but also the country. But stay with me... The next day I was out at the theatre with my best friend taking in a musical and my phone kept vibrating in my purse, which was annoying because if I had been at home bored off my ass the phone would have been silent all day long. Anyhoo... turns out it was my mom calling. So I called her back in a panic, apparently someone must have died to call me 3 times in succession. Well, luckily nobody died down home, but she was calling to make sure I was still alive since she heard about the shooting. I relieved her obviously just by answering the phone I was clearly alive but she goes on to say..."when i heard the shooting was in the food court I knew you were okay." My how the tables have turned. I swear if this happened just 5 weeks ago and the same shooting situation happened my mother would have been having straw kittens thinking, "oh no, she for sure was in the food court."

Funny the difference 5 weeks can make.

Love, Love, Love
b

8 days down and...

...I am doing pretty awesome actually, I think!

I haven't thought too much about the numbers on the scale, been focusing more on how I feel and just getting through this 2 week liquid diet. For those of you who have never tried a liquid diet, it's basically the diet that fun forgot, but I guess all diets are kind of that way, no? Monday cannot come soon enough as I start the pureed phase of the diet for 2 weeks. I know it sounds dreadful but to me it sounds heavenly right now.

I have been pain free since day 4 and out walking each day, problem free. Today I took my mom out for a pedicure and we walked around a bit and then did a quick shop for some new mini containers for my smaller portions.

So, although I haven't thought much about the numbers on the scale, that certainly doesn't mean I haven't been weighing in each day to see what's happening. Since there was so much fluid in me after surgery with the IV etc...I was up 5 lbs for the first few days. Luckily after day 6 the lbs started to come off. As of this evening I am down 7 lbs since surgery for a total of 19 lbs since April 30 when I began the pre-op fast. I don't really feel any lighter as I still seem to be swollen from the surgery but all in due time. My mom (who has been a GOD send here with me the past 8 days) says that every day she can see my stomach, hips and face getting smaller. I will take it!

I am planning to take pictures to mark my progress as this journey continues. In retrospect I wish I hadn't worn this outfit and I wish I had taken a profile shot but ah well, I will do that going forward. Also, going forward I hope to master the art of not having to put my pics up sideways but what are ya gonna do?

Until next time...

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life...no I am not getting married!

Well, I figured that since I am heading into my gastric bypass surgery tomorrow morning, today would be as good a day as any to start blogging again.

The next few weeks, months years are going to be a challenge, but one that I am looking forward to with complete, starry eyed optimism. I have survived two weeks on a fast and didn't cheat once, for those of you who know the fatty that I truly am, you will understand how incredibly massive a task that was (no pun intended).

Well...wish me luck friends. I look forward to updating you all on my (hopefully amazing) progress very soon!

xo
b

You may remember me from such films as, Slackers

Well my friends, (aka dad) it’s been a long time [insert some bullshit excuse about how pants-droppingly busy I have been here]. Truth is, I do get really busy at work in the summer, but that’s not really an excuse so let’s go with whatever one you were able to concoct in your head that likely makes me seem way less lazy.

The past 7 months have been pretty uneventful. Aside from sitting around on my ass, trying my hardest to gain back the weight I had lost, I haven’t done much else (outside of being brilliant at my job, of course). The good news is, I succeeded…I managed to gain back all the weight I had lost and a bonus 2 lbs… What do I win, folks? Well aside from the distinct pleasure of now moving back into my fatter girl clothes, not much…although admittedly I celebrated this milestone with many a Big Mac and Whopper over the past few months.

On Monday I made a vow to once again eat healthy and exercise (if my ability to stick to these vows is at all reflective of how I would upkeep my wedding vows, it’s likely for the best that I am single). However, I surge forward with optimism (kinda) on my new journey (I think I need a new word for journey). I have stocked the fridge with healthy, colourful foods and joined a new gym. My new workouts are only 30 minutes, so hopefully the fact that I will be in and out of there will keep me motivated.

Our staff, minus this one skinny little lady who doesn’t have even a pound to lose, has started a Biggest Loser type competition in the office. Each week, we will weigh in and track our % of weight loss. The biggest loser each month gets a movie pass and the big (or small, hopefully) winner at the end of the contest (6 months likely) will get something great too…maybe $, we haven’t really decided but I bet when we do, it will be epic.

This is a pretty lame post, seems in gaining back the weight I have lost some of my wit…I will try harder next time (haven’t you heard me say that before?!)

love, love, love
b

Just 8.625 flu's away from my goal weight

I don't know if I should be happy about this or not but weigh-in Wednesday is upon us yet again and although I am excited, I am sure this week's result will (for lack of a better word) result in a poor weigh-in next week, but oh well....As of this week I am down 31 pounds...yep...8 lbs this week. Thank you stomach flu for that amazing number.

Now I am sure that a lot of that is water weight or muscle or bone (or parts of my intestines that I have no doubt thrown up in the past few days) but I don't think I need all this bone and muscle anyway and I drink plenty of water so I will make up for that water loss quickly. Seriously though, even if next week the scale doesn't move or even if it moves up a couple of pounds, I won't be disappointed because of this week. I know I shouldn't be so excited about something that I didn't really have to work for, but I am...this has totally re-motivated me to keep at it. I now believe that I can lose 50 lbs before my next appearance as a Maid of Honour on July 17...cross your fingers for me!

31 lbs...that's pretty much 1/3 of the way to my final goal and when I break down the big 1-0-0 into smaller increments like that it doesn't make it so scary. I can totally do this and it's not going to be easy (unless of course I seriously get sick like 8.625 more times...do we think that's possible?) but I think I am ready for the challenge. Let's see how long I can keep my stomach shrank from this flu for as long as possible.

Weight Loss...it's kinda like rocket science, but not!

Well folks, it’s “Weigh-In Wednesday” (cue the scary horror movie music here). Actually, I have good news to report…I am down, I am only down 2 lbs, but hey I am 2 lbs lighter than I was last week! The past week hasn’t been too bad, but I have decided that I am not meant to be a person who eats healthy and also works out, I just can’t seem to master both, although I continue to work at it. So last week was about food…I made this home-made salad dressing (Peanut/Lime, it was amazing) and so I had salads for lunch and dinner on most days, with other foods of course, I am not quite that hard core, but still pretty intense eating for me. Except last week I was really lazy in terms of exercise. It doesn’t help that it was cold out, so I didn’t want to get out for a walk, that’s really no excuse since I am still supporting my gym monthly, but whose side are you on?

This week; however, all of the stars have aligned and I have been eating healthy and exercising so next week we should see a bigger loss on the scale. The weather has been so perfect lately. I am actually hoping to hit the beach this week, laying in the sun has to be sort of an aerobic activity I think, I mean you definitely get sweaty sitting in the sun and sweating = calories burned so I am going to go with it. I will likely be nonexistent next week, be aware…if there’s no post next “Weigh-in Wednesday” it’s because I have lost so much weight that I no longer possess the ability to type. It’s a real thing…look it up!

I have been doing a lot of research lately about calories burned doing certain things, like shoveling the driveway or while watching tv for example, I think it needs a whole post to discuss because I think most of us are unaware of how athletic we really are. So stay tuned for that, but what I did read yesterday is that basically to maintain my weight I would have to eat over 2,500 calories a day. Now that’s not a challenge at all, but that’s pretty intense to think that I must have been eating beyond that every day if I was not only maintaining my weight but also gaining weight.

I realize this post is somewhat disjointed, sorry about that; I just have a lot of thoughts in my head that I want to get out. I read an article yesterday (yes I have been doing a lot of reading and researching lately…does that burn any calories?) that talked about the keys to success for people who have managed to lose a lot (i.e. 50 lbs or more) and maintain it and they all talked about the education part of it. I mean they also clearly talked about not being lethargic and eating foods that are natural and not created in a lab somewhere, but education was a big part of it. I would like to think that I am pretty educated on what to eat and what not to eat; I just chose to ignore what I knew. But I am now learning that although I may have had an understanding of what was good and what was bad; there is so much other information that is key to know if you want to lose weight. And now that I am able to make this more about science and logic, it’s making things a bit easier for me to understand.

I can make any food fit in the Canada's Food Guide...give me a real challenge!

Yet again I am starting off a blog apologizing for being a huge slacker...truth is though that I think I get more out of writing this blog than anyone would reading it, so I guess that's why I haven't been dying to get back at it, as I am only disappointing myself. Do I bother coming up with some lame excuse about how busy I have been washing my hair and fighting off boys with a stick? Nah...I will save you the digression. Truth is I have just been lazy (story of my life). The weird thing is that I haven't been lazy for real, but only virtually I guess. I have been exercising pretty regularly but have been lazy in terms of my computer time. What kind of Gen Y kid am I, right?

So that I am being completely honest, as much as I have been rather active lately (going for walks 3-4 times a week and lifting weights, doing abs etc in my apt) I had been (up until Monday) eating pretty shitty. I would be good for 1.5-2 meals a day but snacking was getting a bit out of control. Luckily, because of my newfound athleticism I managed to maintain my 21 lb weight loss, so I am clearly doing something right.

I had a moment of clarity though this past weekend that has set me straight again. I am a maid of honour in July and my dress will be coming in within the next few days, I was laying in bed the other night and I had a vision of myself in the dress and I looked uncannily like a sausage, so I figured it was Monday morning was as good a time as any to start eating right again. So I did and thus far it's been a pretty good week. I went to a movie screening last night and I had something from all four food groups... Grains - popcorn, Fruits & Veggies - corn tortilla chips and Swedish berries, Protein - cheese sauce and Dairy - cheese sauce. Other than this creative nutritional analysis I have been doing well, drinking 8 glasses of water a day, eating 4-6 fruits and veggies a day and choosing whole grains as often as possible.

I have scheduled an appointment with my dietitian (good old Stef) for next week to fully get back on track and figure out what eating plan is going to work best for me. We're going to be meeting every couple of weeks until I am back in the swing of things. I am looking forward to seeing her and returning to my old self-righteous, salad-eating self in no time at all!

I'm kinda like Donovan Bailey without the roid rage

Haven’t really had a quality NSV in a while but this past weekend I was visiting with friends of friends whom I don’t see too often and the one girl kept telling me how good I look. I really like her! I was wearing black; I was pretty deceiving really… I will have to wear a corset under my outfit the next time I see her to continue to get the positive feedback, but I am okay with that.

Anyhoo…I was chatting with one of my bff’s a few weeks back and she was asking me what my goals were, not in terms of weight loss but more so physically with my endurance. I hadn’t really put a lot of thought into that before so she and I established a few on the phone for ourselves. My birthday is less than 3 months away and we’re both using that date as our first measuring stick. She had gotten into running in the past few years but has recently been slacking in that dept. so she wants to be able to run 10 k by May 4. I, on the other hand, have never been able to run, but it is something I hope to do one day. Therefore my goal is a little bit, okay, a lot a bit smaller than hers. My goal is to be able to run for 20 minutes straight on the treadmill.

So I have started working towards that. On Friday and Saturday I walked for 2 and ran for 2 for a total of 20 minutes. So I am 50% there I guess…although the hardest part will be the endurance of running for more than 2 minutes at any given time. I will continue to do this 2 and 2 method for the remainder of the week and then move up on the weekend to 1 minute walking, 2 minutes running to see how that goes. From everything I have read, this type of approach to learning to run seems to work the best.

I will keep you all posted on that as it progresses…have a great day and as my new lulu lemon water bottle says, “Love your Life!”

xo
b

A new rewards system...ME-wards!

I think I have figured out what motivates me more than anything…rewards or me-wards as Blockbuster would call it! I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out sooner. I am like that with everything in life…if you have to spend $52 to get a free bag at Estee Lauder and my foundation costs $51, I will buy the lowest priced item, which at Estee Lauder is the $22 eye liner just so I can get the free bag. I have a pretty kick ass collection of make-up bags at this point…thank you Estee Lauder!

In old Brandi-land, a diet (I hate that word) meant rewarding myself with food. “I totally burnt 350 calories on the treadmill this morning so it’s more than acceptable, likely encouraged for me to have a bag of Doritos and a Mars bar,” I would say to myself. And I would eat that…it’s weird how all of my past successes have been temporary with that mind set…

So, I have introduced a new style of rewards system to my life. I take things that I want and apply them to a number on the scale. For example, I have been wanting a new workout outfit for the past few months, but I told myself I wasn’t allowed to buy it until I lost 20 lbs. So last weekend I got to go get it.

Now, I have been thinking ahead to some future goals, some pretty boring, but exciting for me and some that are bigger of course based on big numbers. Like at 30 lbs I get to dye my hair. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to anyone, but my roots are really bothering me so it will motivate me to work my ass off (literally) so that I can have the hair I desire sooner. Genius really!

The only other goal I have decided on at this point is the 100 lb goal, which is clearly a new wardrobe. I am going to be the most fashionable skinny little bitch you’ll ever see… I may even need new friends. I don’t know that my current ones can handle the new fashionista Brandi!

So I need some suggestions for future goals….anyone….Bueller….anyone?

This is NA-CHO average diet

I know, I know…it’s been a while since I have updated everyone. I am sorry but life has been a bit chaotic lately. Aside from work travel and being sick, our office also had a flood which put my work life in disarray and it still is but it’s getting better slowly. Not to mention that I still haven’t unpacked my bags from Christmas, which is a bit ridiculous (probably shouldn’t have even admitted that to anyone, but there it is).

To add on to all of this chaos, I have also just been really busy on a social level recently which is throwing my new gym schedule out of whack. Had my classic Wednesday night gathering with friends last night, hanging with an old friend tonight that I haven’t seen in years and then Saturday I am heading out of the city to see the one and only Glen Campbell…don’t be jealous all your life!

So, although my workouts have taken a hit, I am still for the most part staying within my daily recommended calorie range which means that I am still continuing to lose. I am now down 19 lbs since October 5, which I guess isn’t anything to write home about but it’s still better to be down 19 lbs than up, right?

I haven’t really been snacking at all, which is good but I do still eat some foods that I know are really bad for me, but I love them so I can’t give them up. For example…on Sunday I went to the movies with a friend. I had the nachos (naturally)… but I hadn’t had breakfast (slept in) and this was counting as breakfast and lunch. So then I just had a light dinner, tomato soup with some whole what crackers and that was it. So even though I splurged on the approx. 1000 calories of nachos (didn’t eat them all), with the soup and crackers I was still only at about a maximum of 1350 – 1400 calories for the day….sweet!

My brain is so funny though, because I just finished telling you that I had no problem eating those nachos but yet this morning I borrowed a yogurt from a colleague and stressed about those 100 calories and 3 g of fat. I am not used to yogurt with fat, so I couldn’t even finish it. It was too sweet for me. It was strawberry flavoured…guarantee if it had been nacho cheese flavoured I would have had no problem downing the thing…interesting how that works…hmmm…

From Spongebob to Jessica Alba

I guess it’s about time for a status update…considering the whole goal of this blog thing was to give me some accountability with this whole weight loss journey, it would be good for ya’ll to know whether I am actually succeeding at it or not. So before the Christmas holidays I had my final weigh-in and measurement check as part of that fitness/nutrition class that I was taking. I was pretty happy with the results actually. I lost 15 lbs in the 12 weeks and 7 inches…I can’t tell you exactly where those 7 inches came from, some off my hips, some off my waist and some off my chest, but I don’t remember the exact break down. Whichever way it shakes out is cool with me. When they did my measurements for the first time on Week 1, I was pretty psyched to find out that I am pretty much Spongebob Squarepants. My measurements were pretty much the same (within a few inches) across the board. That’s cool…and I wonder why I can never find clothes to fit me properly. Perhaps I should start shopping at stores where the models are actually just cardboard boxes…you know, classy places like Giant Tiger…I am sure their stuff would fit me nicely…or should I say squarely hahaha…I kill me…

Well my course is over now so I have to come up with my own plan of how to stay on track….this should be an adventure. I am still eating the same way as I was before…3 meals and up to 2 snacks a day, about 1500-1600 calories or so. I am going to the gym 6 days a week, alternating between upper body and lower body strength training and of course, gotta do abs and cardio. Let’s hope this little routine turns me a little less square, a little less round and a little more Jessica Alba like…what?

I am heading out to Alberta for 5 days on a work trip, so I won’t be updating you all on the latest and greatest moments in my life…please try not to miss me too much!

xo

New Year...New Me!

Well my loyal blog followers, it has been a while, and I apologize for leaving your stomachs in knots awaiting my next post. Truth is, I was away for Christmas back home in NB and in our humble little town, the Internet connection is glacial on the best of days and I didn’t have the patience to wait 3 years for each page to open. That’s seriously how long it takes, I managed to read War & Peace and knit a King-sized quilt the one day I checked my email at home. Lengthy apology, eh? If I were writing this form my computer back home I would have simply said, sorry suckahs and in that time I could have also re-organized my mom’s pantry into alphabetical order.

Well, I am sure you’re all wondering how many times I dropped my cell phone when I was home and let’s just say that there were times when I thought I wouldn’t be able to pick it up, but eventually I did and all is well now and I am back on track. See, my Christmas holidays didn’t go exactly as I had planned. The first week was fine. I mean I still had turkey dinner and Christmas breakfast but I ate smaller portions and even used the treadmill once…but get this, I also shoveled off the deck one day and burnt a whopping 175 calories in 15 minutes…take that, Jane Fonda! So the first week of my holiday was not too bad, I pretty much practiced the 2/3 healthy meals method, but there were a few wrenches thrown into my plan. For the first time ever my aunt made home-made peanut butter cups…are you friggin’ kidding me? I may have pretty decent willpower but nobody is strong enough to turn one of those down. The first time I picked one up, I was fooling myself thinking I would only eat half. I took one bite and passed it off to my dad…but not long after, my gut got the best of me and I was back for more…as in 2 more.

So aside from the great peanut butter cup debacle, things were going pretty well. Until New Years Day…my Grandmother got pretty sick and ended up in a coma. I spent the next 8 days sleeping off and on in the family room and at my Gram’s place and eating everything from pizza to Dixie Lee Fried chicken. Not even because I really wanted it but more so because I knew that Grammy couldn’t have it so I did some sympathy eating on her behalf. How bad is that? I am blaming my sick Grandma for my gluttony? My grammy is getting better day by day and is now awake and able to sit up and eat and everything. I have been back in Toronto for 2 days and my eating is back to normal and I am back to the gym which feels really good. Seeing my grandmother laying in that hospital bed broke my heart but let me tell you…seeing someone come out of a coma and quickly progressing to being able to speak and then on my last day there having her waiting for me with her arms open when I came to visit was pretty incredible. The entire experience was pretty eye opening. My grammy has diabetes, along with a lot of other people on both sides of my family. I cannot let that happen to me. As much as I like my food, don’t get me wrong, my health has to be at the top of my priority list for the rest of my life. You always hear health experts saying that you only get one body and in 2010 I am making it my goal to look less like 2 bodies and more like one!

Happy New Year, friends!
xo

I need a cell phone protection plan!

It’s officially Christmas time, folks! We had our office party today. We went out for Indian food and then exchanged our Secret Santa presents…I got this great monogrammed martini shaker…thanks, Santa ;) As much as I absolutely love Christmas for the music, the parties, the family and friends all getting together and of course the gifts…Christmas also comes with a shitload of super bad foods. This is where my negotiation skills are going to have to be sharpened. I am not a lover of egg nog or shortbread or fruitcake for that matter but put a turkey dinner together with gravy and stuffing and a side of chocolate anything and you’ve got my attention! I am thinking that I should probably come up with a plan of attack for the holidays so as to not fall off the wagon entirely.

Speaking of falling off the wagon, I think that cliché needs to be brought up to the 21st century. I mean the last time I checked, outside of Amish country; nobody rides around on a wagon these days. So from now on in my world, the saying shall be “dropping my cell phone,” as in, over the holidays I really hope I don’t drop my cell phone. Nothing reeks of the 21st century more than mobile communication, right? So back to my original thought process…plan…gotta have a plan…

I am from a really small town and pretty much all of my family is on our one road (not street, it’s a road). My one aunt lives just across the bridge from me (we’re actually trolls) and she has a treadmill. So the plan is to put that bad boy to use at least 3 times a week. She may have to remove a few of the hangers from it, because God knows that if you own a treadmill its purpose is to store clothes and accessories, not to actually work out on…since it’s not mine though it is a bit of a novelty and still remains to me a piece of fitness equipment, or as I affectionately refer to it, a fat person’s arch nemesis. If only she had an elliptical…come to think of it, I think my sister has one of those…I guess I forgot because it has actually had shelves installed and is fully being used as a closet now. So…either the treadmill or the closet (elliptical) three times per week.

In terms of eating, I don’t want to be unrealistic. My goal is to eat really well for 2/3 meals per day. Eat a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch that will consist mainly of vegetables. And then when dinner rolls around I will just be dropping my cell phone all over the place… No, I won’t let that happen, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t going to have turkey and gravy with mashed potatoes and stuffing at Christmas dinner and I have to have tang with my Christmas breakfast, because that my friends is a tradition and for those who know me well, you know that I do not f*%k with tradition…ever! In fact my mom once said she was no longer going to have a real tree at Christmas and I threatened to not come home for the holiday…..don’t f*%k with tradition, mom! Okay, so I won’t fully drop my cell phone. It will be one of those like fumbling hand situations though where it falls to like my waist and then I magically catch it. I don’t plan to deny myself anything but I will have smaller portions than I normally would…I have to keep reminding myself that this is the rest of my life and not some diet that will only last a few weeks and who are we kidding every now and then we all drop our cell phones, am I right?

Don't make me get all preachy on your osteo ass!

So I had my nutrition class last night, week 11 of 12. I can’t even describe to you how uninformed I feel each week after these classes. Not because of a lack of information in these classes but from what I didn’t know before. How is it that I am 26 years old and nobody has ever told me before about the importance of vitamin D in building bone density? Or how did I not know how hard my body works to burn calories even when I am not doing anything at all? This stuff is all so fascinating to me, but at the same time, I feel like I am not so much the smart cookie (mmm cookies) that I always thought I was for not knowing this stuff. Am I the only one who wasn’t a part of this day-to-day nutrition class of life or are you all in the dark too?

Warning…here’s where I begin preaching to you all about what I have learned…

Here are a few things that I want to share that I didn’t know and maybe you don’t either.

1 – Supplements – These little fellas are really important at building up and maintaining bone density. For those of you under 30, it is super important to start monitoring your intake of these two elements. As Canadians we don’t really get enough Vitamin D, since it’s so bloody cold here most of the year. We’re not exactly sunbathing in February. As women we will be building up our bone density until we’re 30, so start paying attention to your bone health now. After last night’s class I have now developed a fear of osteoporosis and I want us all to be Osteo free! Now here’s the thing you want to take into consideration when choosing a calcium supplement (check with your doc before you start taking random supplements, of course) your body can’t process more than 500 mg of Calcium at a time so don’t bother getting anything over 500 mg. It would just be a waste. And don’t take your calcium supplement with a calcium rich meal. Again, because you can only absorb the 500 mg anyway so why waste the excess when it could be going towards valuable bones!

2 – Supplements are great and all, but your body prefers to get its calcium supply from food, especially dairy products, so don’t ignore yogurt, cheese and good old milk! Pay attention to food labels though too, because even beans have calcium in them, who knew?

3 – If you’re a person who takes in a lot of caffeine, keep in mind that this will hinder your body’s ability to absorb calcium. So don’t take your calcium supplement with a cup of coffee either! We need over 1000 mg a day of calcium and every little bit counts, even the calcium in the toast you had this morning.

4 – You should start asking for bone density tests at age 40. Apparently some doctors put them off until your 60’s but that could be too late. I don’t know about you guys but I would much rather find out about my osteoporosis from a doctor then to find out years down the road when I break a leg and it just won’t heal. And that’s what happens when you’re all osteoey (sure, it’s a word)…your bones can’t build up like they used too so you may never fully heal. In fact more women die each year from osteoporosis related injuries than from breast cancer or cervical cancer combined. We all know someone who has been affected by those hellish cancers, so think of how many people we know that may undiagnosed with osteoporosis.

The moral of today’s lecture is that I am selfish and I want you all here for the rest of my life so start paying more attention to your calcium and vitamin D intake now so that I don’t have to carry you all around in your old age.

xo
b

Tourette's with a side of twentysomething Alzheimer's and ADD

Well to start things off… I achieved all of my goals for the weekend, granted they weren’t too lofty, but still. I went to the gym both Saturday and Sunday and avoided dessert all weekend. I actually really liked the gym this weekend. I have decided that the elliptical is like a fat girl’s treadmill. It’s amazing. I mean I couldn’t run for more than 2 minutes on a treadmill but on that thing I can go for 15 minutes pretty much running, no problem! I also did the bike yesterday, which I never do. It is amazing; you can fully read a book or magazine and the time flies. I always see people reading on the treadmill and elliptical and I think they’re crazy. When you’re bopping up and down like that, how can you possibly be concentrating on reading? The only thing I can do while on those machines, aside from sweat my ass off, of course, is listen to music. Sometimes I even sing along…but just a few words every couple of verses. That’s right; I pretty much have tourette’s syndrome, but it only comes out at the gym.

Okay, so I have some more venting to do…this one is a little off-side but if you’re a woman I think you’ll totally agree with me. So we all know that while we’re on our periods, we retain water, which doesn’t exactly give you an accurate indication on the scale of how your weight loss efforts are going. When you take into consideration that you begin retaining water pre-period (I like to use medical jargon) then technically like 8-10 days out of the month the scale is not really your friend. Well, not that it’s ever really your friend. The scale is kinda like that friend from high school. You know the one that insists on talking every time you run into them when it’s blatently obvious to both of you that you have nothing in common anymore. It’s that kind of friend. I mean it’s kind of nice to see them when they have something good to bring to the table, like a nacho dip at a pot luck or a compliment like, “Hey B, have you lost weight?” For moments like those, that friend is okay to have around. That is the equivalent to a non periody time of the month on the scale when the scale shows you a lower number than the last time you paid it a visit. But then most of the time when you run into that friend it’s the same old, “remember the time we got drunk and went bowling?” Yep, I still remember that…surprisingly Alzheimer’s hasn’t taken over my 26 year old brain just yet. I guess I am just lucky like that. Weird!

So do you get why I am pissed off? How is it fair that as a woman I only get approximately 20 days a month to be accurately weighed? And when you take into consideration that it’s not entirely accurate within a few hours of eating a big meal, really the only time of day I want to step in the scale is first thing in the morning, naked. That’s obviously the most accurate time of the day, right?

Today’s lesson? Not only do I have gym tourette’s and Alzheimer's but by the way this blog went, apparently ADD too!

Just call me MacGyver!

If you’ve never see The Biggest Loser, I recommend you tune in next season. It is absolutely amazing how these people transform their lives and their bodies in such a short amount of time. The winner of this last installment of the show lost 239 lbs in I think 9 months. Can you imagine weighing 430 lbs in January and by the end of September being down to 191?! He looked incredible…they all did. There was even a woman who lost 172 lbs and still has over 100 lbs to go. All I am asking for is a measly 100 lbs, so I should have it off by the end of January I am sure haha… if I were on the Biggest Loser that may be the case but not so much in real life. I mean they’re in real life too, but I don’t have the time or the chutzpa to spend 6-8 hours a day in the gym. I am more of a 1 hour workout at a time sort of gal. It may take me a lot longer to shed the weight but hopefully that ensures that it stays off and I mean, how proud will I be when someone says, “oh, B, you look like you’ve lost some weight…” and I say, yeah just 100 lbs, so no big deal…not a big deal at all…a HUGE deal. I will pretty much be losing an adult Asian. That’s intense!

I can’t even imagine the sense of pride these people must feel for their accomplishments, but at the same time they must also be having some identity issues. I struggle with that too from time to time and think to myself that it could be a part of why I haven’t succeeded in the past at keeping the weight off. I mean I know exactly who I am, I am very self aware and have always been keenly in touch with my emotions and inner self. I haven’t had a major transformation like these people but even when I just think about the possibility of having an entirely different body, I struggle with it a bit. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I want more right now (aside from maybe world peace…okay, not really… I’d like to think I am Mother Teresa but we all know that’s not true…I really just want to be skinny). But here’s the thing, if I have been fat for most of my life, who the hell will I be when I am not the fat girl anymore? Hopefully, just a smaller, but happier version of myself, but I worry that my personality will change. Have you ever seen those people who lose a lot of weight and their personality seems to shift? Like they used to be funny and outgoing and then when they shed the pounds, they shed their personality as well? What’s with that? I have a huge fear of that happening and although since I am so cognizant of it I am sure it won’t happen, it still worries me….who are we kidding though, there’s not one ounce of me that’s not delightful so I am sure I will always be a joy to be around :p

Okay, so back to The Biggest Loser…I have been watching this show faithfully for probably 2 years now, with two seasons a year, they have transformed so many lives. Ironically enough, I used to stock up on snack foods to watch the show. How terrible is that?! I would be eating my Doritos and licorice while they’re sweating their asses off at the gym for 6-8 hours a day. I would sit there and think, okay…this is what’s going to motivate me to lose weight, as I stogged a handful of Doritos into my mouth. This should be kind of funny but I almost think of it as sad now looking back. When I watched the finale earlier this week I was eating carrot sticks and hummus…who the F%#K am I, really? I was totally pretending the carrots were licorice and the hummus was Doritos but still…progress, I think!

My goal for this weekend is to go to the gym both days and avoid desserts and alcohol. Shouldn’t be much of a challenge considering I don’t have a life at all this weekend, but as a fatty, finding dessert isn’t terribly difficult. I am a very resourceful fatty you see, give me two crackers, some cherry bubblegum and a laxative chocolate and I could fix up a low-cal cookie with far reaching weight loss benefits…I’m pretty much the MacGyver of bad foods.

I'll have 2 grapes with a side of testosterone, please!

This morning I took part in a research study. Not one of those ones where they give me testosterone in hopes that I could grow a penis or anything but pretty much…jokes! It was actually pretty interesting. I had a series of measurements taken and then did this breathing test while hooked up to a calorimeter….this is a machine which measures oxygen intake and carbon dioxide output to determine how many calories your body uses at rest. My dietician recommended that I look into it and when Stef says anything, I am in!

So from these tests they will be able to tell me how much of my body is fat, how much is water and how much is muscle. Could be pretty detrimental to my ego actually when I found out I am actually a walking blob of fat but I wouldn’t have expected anything better than that so I am prepared to hear the results. This magical calorimeter machine will tell me what my body needs each day to fuel itself. This will help me determine how many calories I should eat…this is one test I would like to do poorly on…c’mon 2000 calories….c’mon! Somehow I doubt I am that lucky as it will likely be closer to 1400 calories or so but once a fatty, always a fatty!

In preparation for this morning’s tests I had to fast for 12 hours. Which you wouldn’t think would be a big deal at all, but with my current eating plan, I eat normally every three hours so I was really thrown off. And of course I had plans with a friend last night and couldn’t eat when we went out to a club. She even had chocolate cake and I had to stay away…okay, I took one bite. But I had to…she said she’d stop being my friend if I didn’t and I would hate to lose a friend over something as petty as cake. Boy am I glad I am a good friend…the cake was phenomenal! But seriously though, why is it that when you are not supposed to eat that you want to eat the world? Sometimes I think that my stomach and my brain are in cahoots with one another to sabotage my weight loss success. But why would they do that? I have been good to my stomach over the years…incredible actually. He (yeah, my stomach is a boy…weird, right?) has had more treats than any other stomach I know. But like a typical man I guess, he is just never satisfied…enough is just never enough with this guy! Perhaps he knows that I would trade him in for another in a heartbeat. I think I would take Starr Jones’ stomach. I would have the benefits of a gastric bypass without the complications or investment. I would be full after two grapes…I would be so skinny! Of course, I would just take her interior stomach; the outside would have to be Jessica Biel’s…not that I have put much thought into this or anything? Okay, that was weird…moving along…

Today is a pretty shitty day in Toronto in terms of weather but I am in a great mood, considering… Tonight as part of my course we’re having a cooking demonstration with a professional chef and yes, you guessed it…we get to eat the food. Hmmm…maybe that’s why I am in such a great mood?!

Here's what I will look like with my new stomach...not bad if I do say so myself! (I think this morning's tests did something weird to my skin colouring...weird eh?)

I'm like a cat lady but with better air quality

So…I have this weird infatuation with plants. It’s a fairly recent development. Well, it’s been a little over a year or so I guess. When my office moved into a new space, I decided I would get a plant to really jazz up my office. And jazz it up, I did… enter Chlora!

Chlora was my first born. She was birthed at Ikea, that’s this exclusive Swedish greenhouse located here in Toronto…you’ve probably never heard of it. For Chlora and I, it was love at first sight. She’s a philodendron, which is hindu for “plant you can’t kill”. I think that’s what I liked best about her. I mean if I am going to commit to another living thing I want to know that he or she is in this for the long haul with me. Much like any other decent plant mother, I felt bad that she didn’t have a sibling by her side to share in the weekly waterings and daily musings from me. So I delivered her a brother, Phyl. Phyl, was like my red-headed step-child. He never grew like his sister. He was so temperamental, like a teenager from day one. I don’t have patience for that. My boss called plant child services on me and had him removed. He now resides in her office, growing happily on her window sill…typical man. I didn’t give him what he wanted so now he’s moved on to greener pastures or blacker earth I guess in his case. *huck too* to you, Phyl! [You'll notice there's no photo of Phyl...that's what you get a$$hole!]


In the mean-time our landlord had bought each of us a plant as well as a welcome to the building. This plant had flowers, which I liked, although they’ve since disappeared, never to be seen again. But we get along well. She’s no Chlora but she continues to grow… a little lopsided but we all have our own path, right? This plant has a name too but I couldn’t tell you what it is. Like I said, she’s not Chlora!



Since Chlora and I got along so famously, other office plants began to get jealous. In fact, one of my co-workers, we’ll call her Ted Bundy for the sake of this story, asked me to take her plant into my care “temporarily,” as she was having trouble getting her to flourish. She has since become quite the lanky little lady. We named her Camille today as a tribute to Ted’s uber tall best friend. Ted has since said though that he wants nothing to do with Camille, so I shall see to it that she has an amazing life.

My boss has an African Violet who I have lovingly named Africa. She is stunning. Always full of beautiful purple blossoms (don’t be jealous, Chlora…mama still loves you more). I have adopted her and she will be coming to live in my office in the New Year. I will reward her and Camille with new pots.

I know you’re all reading this and thinking, why the hell is she telling us this? And here’s why… My friends are always convincing me that I should get a cat. You know, so I don’t go home to an empty house (and by house I mean shoebox apartment) every night. I have always told them that wouldn’t happen despite my love for kittens, because I do not want to be that lady who’s 40 and single with 18 cats…because we all know that’s where it leads right? Well today I realized that instead of the cat lady I will be the plant lady…is that really an improvement?

I am just a law abiding citizen...don't judge me!

So, yesterday was one of those days when my eating was somewhat beyond my control. I say somewhat because, obviously nobody was shoving food down my throat (I do have a fantasy that starts out that way though), but I wasn’t in my own surroundings preparing my own food as my nutritionist says is always the most ideal situation. That’s right, I have a nutritionist! I am surprised I haven’t brought her up on here before. I reference her normally about 4 or 5 times per day. Her name is Stefanie, but obviously we’re so tight that I just call her Stef. She is a part of that course that I have mentioned before that I am taking. Basically, it is 12 weeks and every week I have a group nutrition class for 2 hours and an hour of fitness class twice a week. I absolutely love this class. I have learned so much and am now constantly analyzing everything I put in my mouth (I bet your mind went in the gutter on that one, eh?) ;)

Okay, so back to yesterday… I had gone out to a friend’s Christmas recital. He rocked it, he was pretty much the star of the show…way to go, lover! Anyhoo….after his recital I had to go to the wrap party, because he told me everyone who was anyone would be there. It was pretty hoppin’… Mic Jagger was there snorting a line in the corner with Lady Gaga… Chris Brown was drowning his sorrows at the bar, which Paris Hilton was dancing on. It was pretty much just another Christmas recital wrap party...you know how crazy those can get, right?

So the menu at this place wasn’t really all that healthy so I knew I had to commit to something that wouldn’t be as good for me as I would normally eat, but I was okay with that. So I had this pasta with vegetables…it was alright and aside from the olive oil in it, not too bad. I mean I did eat 4 pieces of bruschetta and then met up with another friend after for chocolate cake, but all and all it wasn’t a write-off of a day, as I had gone to the gym that morning in anticipation.

Yeah, I have this new thing where I go to the gym to work off calories in anticipation of moments of weakness. Like for example on Saturday I wanted to go to the movies and I knew I had to have popcorn. They actually have a law in Toronto that you can’t attend the movies and not have popcorn. I mean I am not afraid to text and drive but this is one law I don’t want to break! So in preparation for that, I went online to find the caloric information for movie theatre popcorn, which if you’re not having butter is not terrible. So I worked off the exact amount of calories on the treadmill that was in the popcorn. I didn’t burn one calorie more, what would be the point of that really?

Hey Samuel, wanna go for an ice-cream?

I have come to the conclusion that attempting to lose weight is pretty much just a constant set of negotiations you enter into with yourself. If I eat this bagel, I can’t have any grains at lunch, so do I want to have the bagel or do I want to have a piece of paper aka Weight Watchers bread for breakfast so that I can still have carbs at lunch. It’s really quite mentally exhausting. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for Weight Watchers products and they certainly taste alright, but for an Irish girl like me, when I think bread, I think Texas Toast not Eucharistic wafer.

The funny thing is that I am totally a planner. I plan out every aspect of my life, from what I am going to wear all week to what my children’s names will be and where my future husband and I will vacation. I have had my wedding planned out from the flowers to the music to the venue for the past 5 years….it’s so weird that I’m single? I mean what guy isn’t looking for a girl reeking of matrimonial desperation on the first date? Well…not anymore!

Allow me a moment of self righteousness….I know it’s only been a little over 2 months since I have begun this journey (I need a new word for that…I’m on it!), but I already feel like I have this newfound sense of clarity when it comes to my personal life. As pathetic as this may sound, I used to lay in bed at night and think about my future and get panicked because I am one of the remaining single gals in my sea of friends (yeah, I said it…I am truly quite popular). But lately, I have begun to look at it differently. I have noticed that when I go to bed at night, the only thing I think about is this magical voyage I am on (voyage any better than journey? I will keep working on it). I think about how long it will take me to hit those big milestones like 25 lbs, 50 lbs and then the glorious 100 lb marker that I am so longing for. I think about all the cute little dresses I am going to buy and how happy I will be. A little sad I guess that my happiness would depend on a little digital number on a scale but it kind of does. Not entirely, I am actually a pretty happy person in general. Who wouldn’t be with a sea of friends?

So today I will be playing the role of “The Negotiator,” yeah, that’s right…I’m pretty much Samuel L. Jackson. I’m going out for dinner tonight with a friend, so I have to strategically plan out what I will eat for the rest of the day, because god knows that dinner has to include a glass of the red stuff! This nutritional strategy thing is all pretty interesting to me though, really. My dietician told me I should consider a career in the field…well, until I encouraged another member of my class to count ice-cream as a serving of milk products. She was quick to take back the career path recommendation after that. What? Ice-cream is not a straight up healthy dairy choice? Weird…I wonder why I’m fat?!