I need a cell phone protection plan!

It’s officially Christmas time, folks! We had our office party today. We went out for Indian food and then exchanged our Secret Santa presents…I got this great monogrammed martini shaker…thanks, Santa ;) As much as I absolutely love Christmas for the music, the parties, the family and friends all getting together and of course the gifts…Christmas also comes with a shitload of super bad foods. This is where my negotiation skills are going to have to be sharpened. I am not a lover of egg nog or shortbread or fruitcake for that matter but put a turkey dinner together with gravy and stuffing and a side of chocolate anything and you’ve got my attention! I am thinking that I should probably come up with a plan of attack for the holidays so as to not fall off the wagon entirely.

Speaking of falling off the wagon, I think that cliché needs to be brought up to the 21st century. I mean the last time I checked, outside of Amish country; nobody rides around on a wagon these days. So from now on in my world, the saying shall be “dropping my cell phone,” as in, over the holidays I really hope I don’t drop my cell phone. Nothing reeks of the 21st century more than mobile communication, right? So back to my original thought process…plan…gotta have a plan…

I am from a really small town and pretty much all of my family is on our one road (not street, it’s a road). My one aunt lives just across the bridge from me (we’re actually trolls) and she has a treadmill. So the plan is to put that bad boy to use at least 3 times a week. She may have to remove a few of the hangers from it, because God knows that if you own a treadmill its purpose is to store clothes and accessories, not to actually work out on…since it’s not mine though it is a bit of a novelty and still remains to me a piece of fitness equipment, or as I affectionately refer to it, a fat person’s arch nemesis. If only she had an elliptical…come to think of it, I think my sister has one of those…I guess I forgot because it has actually had shelves installed and is fully being used as a closet now. So…either the treadmill or the closet (elliptical) three times per week.

In terms of eating, I don’t want to be unrealistic. My goal is to eat really well for 2/3 meals per day. Eat a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch that will consist mainly of vegetables. And then when dinner rolls around I will just be dropping my cell phone all over the place… No, I won’t let that happen, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t going to have turkey and gravy with mashed potatoes and stuffing at Christmas dinner and I have to have tang with my Christmas breakfast, because that my friends is a tradition and for those who know me well, you know that I do not f*%k with tradition…ever! In fact my mom once said she was no longer going to have a real tree at Christmas and I threatened to not come home for the holiday…..don’t f*%k with tradition, mom! Okay, so I won’t fully drop my cell phone. It will be one of those like fumbling hand situations though where it falls to like my waist and then I magically catch it. I don’t plan to deny myself anything but I will have smaller portions than I normally would…I have to keep reminding myself that this is the rest of my life and not some diet that will only last a few weeks and who are we kidding every now and then we all drop our cell phones, am I right?