The gym...I support that

Okay so I need to get something off my chest….to vent if you will…about my gym or as I like to call it “the charity I choose to support.”

I signed up for this gym with a friend two years ago. We were both pretty diligent about going for the first oh, I dunno like maybe 4 weeks. This gym was well priced, open only to women and super close to our old office. They even have member appreciation nights where you can get free facials and free food (ironic, right?)…that’s likely where they won me over as bad as that is…”oh, you have free food every 6 months for one evening? Where do I sign?” That’s how much of a fatty I am/was… the promise of free food at any event or outing guaranteed my attendance. I once donated blood twice in a week for the free cookies and juice…okay, so that didn’t happen, but it could have… This friend that I joined the gym with, we talk about food all day long at work. If we have a function after work we’re talking about what that food will be weeks before the event arrives…luckily for her though, she remains a SLB (skinny little bitch)…which coming from me is a term of endearment (love you buddy!)

Back to the gym (have you noticed yet that I tend to go off on tangents?) I think it’s endearing, no? So about 10 months after we signed up for the gym (or 9 months after we stopped going to the gym) our office moved to BFN (I’ll let you figure that acronym out on your own). There is no gym close to our office, well at least none that we’re paying for but not attending. Luckily, there is one close to my house so I can go every 6 months to make myself feel better about the hundreds of dollars I have spent there over the years.

This gym has one of those card scanning systems so when you go in you have to scan your card before going through the turnstile, then you go through a retna scan and then they take a urine sample, just to confirm it’s you. Or at least that’s how it seems… okay, so there’s really only a card scanning turnstile. The key here is though that this turnstile never actually works. We’ve established at this point that I attend quite sporadically and anytime that I go the turnstile is down so I quickly flash my card and walk past the registration desk. Earlier this year, I was going through a phase where I was working out first thing in the morning and in my haste one day to get to work, I left my membership card in the cup holder on my treadmill.

When I went back the next morning and asked if they had found it, they said no…we all know they obviously threw it in the garbage so I would be forced to buy a new one (paranoid much?), but whatever, I am not bitter about it at all, which would be evident by the fact that it’s now 6 months later and I have yet to return to the gym. Friggin’ right…I showed them!

Well I dropped by the gym last night to get a replacement card. I was pretty pumped to have to pay $25 for a new card so that I could never use it again, since we know the scan system never actually works. So, I go in and I talk to the lady at the gym and she can’t find me in the system, despite my monthly payments, they have no record of me being a member? I guess she didn’t remember seeing me there once like 6 months ago…what’s her problem? Anyway…she tells me that I have to go to the downtown location I originally signed up at 2 years ago to get a new card, even though I have been attending…okay…supporting…this location for a year and a half.

Let me tell you…I was not a happy camper. I just told that lady, “I hope you have a fantastic evening…maybe we could be facebook friends?” and I walked away. Don’t worry, I am totally going to just add her to my facebook list and then poke the shit out of her for months… I am really going to show her! *huck too*