I'm like a cat lady but with better air quality

So…I have this weird infatuation with plants. It’s a fairly recent development. Well, it’s been a little over a year or so I guess. When my office moved into a new space, I decided I would get a plant to really jazz up my office. And jazz it up, I did… enter Chlora!

Chlora was my first born. She was birthed at Ikea, that’s this exclusive Swedish greenhouse located here in Toronto…you’ve probably never heard of it. For Chlora and I, it was love at first sight. She’s a philodendron, which is hindu for “plant you can’t kill”. I think that’s what I liked best about her. I mean if I am going to commit to another living thing I want to know that he or she is in this for the long haul with me. Much like any other decent plant mother, I felt bad that she didn’t have a sibling by her side to share in the weekly waterings and daily musings from me. So I delivered her a brother, Phyl. Phyl, was like my red-headed step-child. He never grew like his sister. He was so temperamental, like a teenager from day one. I don’t have patience for that. My boss called plant child services on me and had him removed. He now resides in her office, growing happily on her window sill…typical man. I didn’t give him what he wanted so now he’s moved on to greener pastures or blacker earth I guess in his case. *huck too* to you, Phyl! [You'll notice there's no photo of Phyl...that's what you get a$$hole!]


In the mean-time our landlord had bought each of us a plant as well as a welcome to the building. This plant had flowers, which I liked, although they’ve since disappeared, never to be seen again. But we get along well. She’s no Chlora but she continues to grow… a little lopsided but we all have our own path, right? This plant has a name too but I couldn’t tell you what it is. Like I said, she’s not Chlora!



Since Chlora and I got along so famously, other office plants began to get jealous. In fact, one of my co-workers, we’ll call her Ted Bundy for the sake of this story, asked me to take her plant into my care “temporarily,” as she was having trouble getting her to flourish. She has since become quite the lanky little lady. We named her Camille today as a tribute to Ted’s uber tall best friend. Ted has since said though that he wants nothing to do with Camille, so I shall see to it that she has an amazing life.

My boss has an African Violet who I have lovingly named Africa. She is stunning. Always full of beautiful purple blossoms (don’t be jealous, Chlora…mama still loves you more). I have adopted her and she will be coming to live in my office in the New Year. I will reward her and Camille with new pots.

I know you’re all reading this and thinking, why the hell is she telling us this? And here’s why… My friends are always convincing me that I should get a cat. You know, so I don’t go home to an empty house (and by house I mean shoebox apartment) every night. I have always told them that wouldn’t happen despite my love for kittens, because I do not want to be that lady who’s 40 and single with 18 cats…because we all know that’s where it leads right? Well today I realized that instead of the cat lady I will be the plant lady…is that really an improvement?